Funny election words

I haven't had much time to post to dear ole blog and other VS contributors (ahem, this means YOU) haven't been of much help the past few months due to something called the "election." Whatevs.

So to that end, I present you election words that are completely innocent but sound oh so dirty.

Grip & Grin
Pork
Caucus


Change is coming to Washington. Some hope it's for the best, others hope Mr. President-Elect does horribly in the first two years that a Republican Congress is elected in 2010. Who knows what will happen, but change is coming. Good or bad. And I'm excited.

Oops, sorry about that. This is supposed to be only funny stuff.

Well how about this:

"...and I can see Russia from my house."

Nothing clears up a case of the Mondays

Like a good "your mom joke":




Props to The Suit for an awesome find.

Words only DC residents understand

We here at Vocabulary Shenanigans reside in numerous states and non-states around this fine country of ours, but a large portion of our authors and thought-leaders reside and/or work in our Capital.

Just a few words that are really, only for DC folks. We say them. We get them. For better or for worse, we are them. Enjoy.

Vocabulary Shenanigans presents:
DC Dictionary
urban dictionary for DC-ites

Adams Morgan: The one place in the city that anyone can afford to get completely trashed. The stench of alcohol from the metro to Columbia Road is evident starting on Thursday around 6 p.m. and doesn't end until Sunday afternoon (or once Football starts, not until Tuesday morning). Every male under the age of thirty has their "going out shirt" on, blue or white (maybe some striped!) button down, untucked, "vintage jeans" and shiny shoes. Look at My Striped Shirt might have been written for all of those guys.

crackberry: this one isn't new by any means,but needs to be put out there. Your company issued Blackberry isn't exactly as cool as you might think it is. Is there really a need to be in contact with your boss 24/7 and constant re-checking for new email messages? No, I didn't think so. See also: Hill Hack.



crashing: used in describing one's workload coming to a screeching halt because your dumbass can't keep deadlines straight and/or can't handle stress or change very well.

"Don't talk to me right now. I'm crashing. "



DC uniform: For the ladies it consists of a black skirt suit, collared button down (maybe a color! Red for power, perhaps!), pointy toed heels and pearls. For the men: suit with white or blue shirt and standard-issue tie. On Fridays, maybe a pink shirt. DC summers are hot, but that doesn't mean the DC uniform changes much, except for the men, when it is completely acceptable for them to wear head-to-toe seersucker.

Group House: a large home (at least 3 bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms) that houses any number of post- grads who can't afford to live on their own (see: Hill Hack) so they combine their forces and are stronger as one! Cheaper per-person rent! Lower utlitiy bills! Food sharing! Common room furniture! All sounds good, except one thing: group house (=?) slow people?

Hill Hack: hopelessly pathetic individuals who settle for a pittance salary by convincing themselves of their unquestionable self importance, resigned to "importance by proxy" -- only using their boss' name in describing their existence while unabashedly dishing out business cards -- even when NOT prompted. And lets not forget the blackberry. the silver star of Hill Hacks. Be sure also to leave your green Hill Hack Identification Card in full view, so everyone, once again, can be reminded that you didn't spend 4 years in college studying U.S. News and World Report while your roommates were playing beer pong for nothing. All those hours watching C-SPAN must pay off for something! So be sure to let everyone on the train know that you are big time, and you came to DC to play.

Metro Couture: Rainbows, Manpurses, and the iPod. Let's not forget a copy of the Economist. Everyone knows you're not reading it, but that intern over there will think you work for the CIA and definitely have sex with you. If the Economist doesn't work for you, steal your neighbor's copy of the Wall Street Journal on the way out the door of your group home and stash it in your Jansport messenger bag that you pass for a briefcase. Chicks dig stock quotes. even if you don't know how to read them.

WashingtonOneUp: when the day/experience/meeting you had proves how much more important you are than anyone else in the room.

chelski: "meeting got canceled, which is better in the long run anyway--too much work to get done today. I am very important, you know."
The Suit: "I had a meeting at the White House today. I totally "WashingtonOneUpped" you today."

What about you?
Do you have any words to add to our DC "Urban" Dictionary?

Those crazy internets

Who doesn't love a good "your mom" joke? Certainly no one here at VS.



I'm off on vacation bitches, have a great Labor Day!

Proud to be American....

We here at VS are proud to be all born in the US...well except for one person, but she came over to our side ~10 years ago and now has a US passport to prove how much she loves the good ole US of A.

We are also big fans of the Olympics. Some of this sport others of this sport..or perhaps just of this athlete, or this one, or that one, or him, him and him.

So in honor of the Summer Olympics, we at VS wanted to dedicate some space to funny things said, usually completely taken out of context, but still absolutely hilarious.

Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw
her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak
from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.

Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
I'm sure more good things will come from Beijing in the coming weeks, please feel free to add your own in the comments section!

Peace out brotha

Friday is fun day!

It's June 27th which in hockey terms means it's just a few hours until the free agency crazinessness begins.

Since many of us over at VS love the hockey, today's Friday Fun Day picture is from Japers Rink in response to the NHL.com "leak" of Ovie winning the MVP award a few weeks ago. The t-shirt was made available online before the awards show, therefore tipping us all off (as if Malkin even had a chance) that AO would be the 2008 NHL MVP winner.
How can you not LOVE this guy? He scores a shitload of goals in a season. Takes down Danny Briere. Goes to the Allstar game and racks up a huge room service bill for Cindy Crosby. Brings his team from basement dweller to the PLAYOFFS for the Stanley Cup. Makes the big man work for him. Has awesome highlight reels on youtube and channels dedicated to him. And scores this goal. And to top it all off has a girlfriend he met on the Russian equivalent to Facebook.

We do it so you don't have to!

The Vocabulary Shenanigans team made a field trip up to Nanny O'Briens in the Cleveland Park neighborhood of Washington, DC earlier this week for one reason: PUB QUIZ.

It seems that Irish bars do it best, so we wanted to put Nanny to the test and here's our report to our dear readers.

Cathy_Thighs thought the big night started at 8 p.m. but rather the fun didn't start until after 8:30. The quizmaster was trying out a new format so there were a few kinks to work out. It made us wonder what the old format was...the new format wasn't anything too revolutionary, but hey! what do we know?!

We came up with pretty unique name, The Team in the Back (or "book", as Cathy_Thighs wrote it) With the Guy in a Jersey. There were a few other great names but nothing as awesome as SOME of us wanted, but we'll save that awesome name for our next night o' trivia.

Our team came in third, winning nothing, but surprised us all with the # of points we actually got. The winning team, Three Guys and a Beer, got a $50 bar tab.

Pros:
-location is pretty awesome and convenient to those metroing
-dive irish bar
-strong drinks
-decent french fries
-several rounds of trivia with varying point values
-rounds included assisinations, sports, music, geography. There wasn't any multi-media questions (pictures, video clips, song clips, etc) but the questions were projected on a screen so it made following along super easy.

Locals are abound at Nanny O'Briens, trivia night or not and it's often hard as a non-local to feel comfortable. Locals, welcome new people to your bar. You should take it a compliment that we want to follow in your footsteps.

Each week we hope to bring you a review of some other DC-NoVA-MD trivia nights. Our goal is to find the perfect combination of quality questions, smart-ass quiz master that can handle a crowd, cheap and/or strong drinks, yummy snack food, good atmosphere and a respect for the Holler Bread.

Caption this photo

Congac_Thighs sent us the photo below earlier this week and we've spent every waking second since trying to think of something funny to say about it and/or a caption that would bring joy to you readers on a Friday afternoon. Despite all efforts, nothing was had and this is where you come in. Caption this photo NOW. The best caption will win something awesome that has yet to be determined, but it will be something tangible and well worth the effort. It won't be anything as helpful to the US economy as this one, as environmentally helpful as this one or as get-through-the-rest of-the-day helpful as this one, but it'll be great.

So go ahead and caption away...you aren't doing work anyway.

NHL awards ceremony TONIGHT

In honor of the hockey Oscars that are will be aired tonight on Versus, where hometown hockey heroes Alexander Ovechkin, Nicky Backstrom and Bruce Boudreau hope to bring back four trophies to Kettler, Vocabulary Shenanigans tips it's hat to Wayne's World, the book, for it's Top Ten Hockey Terms that sound dirty but aren't:

10 - On top of the crease.
9 - Spearing
8 - High sticking
7 - Penalty box
6 - Power play
5 - Dump and chase
4 - Wrap around goal
3 - Slipped it between the pads
2 - Putting your hand on a girl's breast
1 - Puck

And can't forget the guys over at Inside College Hockey and their "Things Found on Cocktail Napkin" list

• The Sin Bin
• Pulling the Goalie
• Touch-up Offsides
• In the Crease
• Holding the Stick
• Butt-Ending
• Change on the Fly
• Third Man In
• Hand Pass
• Dump and Chase

We'd like to add to the list:
-5- hole
- high sticking
-penetrate the zone
-poke check
-takes it deep
-2 man advantage

Needless to say, members of the VS team will be watching tonight, hoping that our guys bring some pretty stuff back to the Phonebooth.

What about you? Got any hockey related terms to add to the list of giggle-worth words?

Wednesday is hump day

Remember back in the day the website Hot or Not where normal-ish people posted their pictures and asked you to vote, Am I Hot or Not and you rated them on a scale of 1-10.

We here at Vocabulary Shenanigans may have spent many countless hours on HorN during our college days, and would like to bring it back to a younger generation, with a twist. Think "Hot or Not?" with an element of "Who would you rather?"

Todays contestenats are....

Judy from Le Claire Wisconsin. Judy's a school bus driver, "I just love getting the kids to school on time every day. I'm doing my civil duty to get the next generation educated." Judy likes to spend her down time watching movies rented from her local Videos-R-Us and likes short walks to the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet and a cold case of PBR. Who doesn't?! Hi Judy!

Is Judy Hot or Not?

Norma is a single mom to three from Hastings, Michigan. She's currently pursuing her dream of cosmetology, "I get such a high from making people realize their inner beauty. I realized mine long ago and want to bring peace to others." You can also catch Norma down at the local watering hole, serving up cold ones to the hard workers of Hastings. Plus, you can't beat the tips! Norma loves spending times with her friends and family on the porch of her double wide and has a seat free for that special someone. Hi Norma!

Is Norma Hot or Not?

Now, the part two to this game:

Who would you rather
go out with Judy or Norma knowing she blew the whole football team, or go out with Judy or Norma NOT knowing she blew the whole football team?

Special thanks goes out to Congac_Thighs and The Suit for their help on this post. I owe you guys a shot of old granddad and a pabst chaser.


PS this game only works if you (yes YOU) answer the question. Go ahead, comment ;-)

You try not laughing

A recent game of Circle of Death/Kings went like this:

"Category: balls."
"hairy balls"
"chocolate balls"
"tennis balls"
"basketballs"
"Caucasian balls"

wait, what?

"She said chocolate balls...so I say Caucasian balls..."
"I said chocolate balls in terms of the candy, the snack. NOT a black man's balls."
"oh"

Balls....it's just funny. No explanation needed. You try saying balls out loud without laughing (or anyone in the near vicinity laughing at you).

When technology goes bad: Twittering

Our online source of all the important info known to man, Wikipedia, defines Twittering: Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that allows users to send "updates" (or "tweets"; text-based posts, up to 140 characters long) to the Twitter web site, via the Twitter web site, short message service (SMS), instant messaging, or a third-party application such as Twitterrific or Facebook.

We here at Vocabulary Shenanigans think otherwise, especially when uttered by some poor Cap Hill staff who thinks it's cool to be connected to every social networking site available, but in fact, it just makes them sound completely unconnected to the real world.

It's especially funny when taken out of context or as defined by Urban Dictionary: Twitter--female perineum; that area of the anatomy between the the twat and the shitter.

"DUDE! I'm twittering" just makes us giggle, no matter what.

Friday is Fun Day

Here at Vocabulary Shenanigans we also appreciate visual humor.

Items that are meant to be completely innocent, but for one reason or another, cause a fit of laughter at any given time.

Every Friday will be a tribute to things that aren't supposed to be funny, but are.

Today's entry is from Congac Thighs

"I see it [this sign] on my way home everyday and giggle." So do we, CT, so do we.

What is Vocabulary Shenanigans?

There are words out there, that when said, just make people chuckle. Properly used in context the word is fine, but when an outsider hears just one word (or sometimes a sentence) out of your conversation, they crack a smile.

Devised over a few beers before a Washington Nationals game in May, this is a list of words that cause us to giggle. Vocabulary Shenanigans was born.

Who is "us"?
We're from varying geographic locations, backgrounds, alma maters, career paths, and teams we cheer for, but are bound together by just a few things: calling DC home (at least for now), throwing one, two or seven back and having a good time.

A new word will be posted each day, with it's own little intro or background as to why it made someone at the table giggle, but please feel free to add your own words via the comments section.